Monday, April 30, 2012


There is a lot on my mind this morning so I don't even know if this is going to be a coherent post. It might just be a jumble of things I am thinking about. Who knows.

Usually I don't post on Mondays because Matt is off and I want to spend as much time as a family as we possibly can. But he is golfing today with a couple of his friends (one of his birthday presents!). I miss him but it is such a much deserved break for him. He is such an amazing husband and father and he doesn't get to do much for himself. I am so glad that the has a chance to just relax and do something he loves!

Insecurity sucks. I have been dealing with it a lot lately. I think it has to do with being in a new environment and having no family or friends here. It is like I have to start all over again and it is daunting. I want to make friends but I want to make the right kind of friends. I want Christian Mom friends who will encourage me and who will like me for me. I try too hard sometimes and I just want to relax and be myself. (I'm really not that bad! haha). I have met some great ladies through our small group and I am hoping some friendships will be made. The Lord has it all planned out. I just need to continue to trust HIM. He knows what is best for me.

I just feel like I have been disappointed lately in the friends departments. I don't want to get my hopes up and have them shot down again. It hurts. It sucks.

I feel like a middle schooler writing about friends. I was talking to Matt last night about it and he made the point that "everyone needs friends, someone to talk to, to relate to other than your husband or wife." Very true. Even at 25, you need a friend. 

I know they will come along.

In other news, I am starting to wean Mady off her nights nights. I don't care if she has her blankie but she associates her blanket and paci together. If she has one, she needs to have the other. So no more during the day, they start in the crib for nap and bed times. Pray for me! =) 

She has done pretty well today. She hasn't asked for it once so that's a good thing. The hard part will be when we are in the car. I usually will let her have them so she is quiet since our DVD player in the car broke. Oh well, there are a bunch of toys and books in there for her to play with. (and as I am typing this...she asks for her night nights...oh boy!)

I need to stick to my guns on this one. I give it too easily to her. I need to stop. She will survive. I will survive.

Totally random post but it is what is on my mind right now.

Laundry needs to be done and I need to spend some time with my Mady girl, just playing and reading books.

Happy Monday!!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Saturday Randoms...

I totally forgot yesterday was Friday. I told you I am totally thrown off with the hubby' schedule. Today is our Friday. Anyways...

*Mady is sick again or has allergies or is just teething. Whatever it is, it needs to go away. She is so congested, cranky (yeah remember when I said she wasn't too cranky....yeah not so much anymore) and that runny nose. I spend most the day chasing her around with a boggie wipe! Drives both of us crazy!

*Matt had to take the car to work today so Mady and I decided to take a walk around the complex to get out of the house and hopefully get rid of some of the crankies. Mady can finally wear a pair of cute flip flops that I bought in like March. They are super cute. Still a little big but nothing compared to before. Her feet are FINALLY growing. =)

Super cute flip flops

*Matt's mom is coming down the first weekend in May and we are so excited. We haven't seen her since March and we miss her tons! My parents come down the following weekend. SO excited for family time. We have missed that so much.

Mady and Mom Mom. Need a recent picture of these two
*Mady walks around on her tip toes all the time. It makes me laugh.

*I spent Mady's nap time yesterday catching up on Bethenny Ever After. I love the show and I love her. She honestly makes me laugh out loud sometimes.

*Matt and I's bedroom is an absolute disaster. I attempt to make the bed every day and clean up but usually as I'm doing that Mady is making a mess in another corner of the room. Clothes need to be put away, furniture needs to be dusted, clothes hung up. UGH. It just easier to shut the bedroom door instead. =)

That's all I got this week.

Happy Saturday! (Our Friday...YAY!!)

Friday, April 27, 2012

Just one of those days

Yesterday was an ok day. You know the kind of day that is not bad, but not good.

Actually it started Wednesday night. My lower back has been really bothering me. Like.a.lot. It feels so tight and I have a hard time finding a good sleeping position. My poor hubby. I probably keep him up from moving around so much but I just can't sleep!

Anyway, I probably fell asleep around 11 pm (so late for me!) and around 12:30, I hear Mady yelling "Mama" so I wait a few seconds and I don't hear it again so I lay back down but dontcha know...I am wide awake. Sitting there waiting to hear her again. This goes on all night. She probably called out "Mama" 3 more times that night all at random times. I never went in to check on her because she didn't seem upset and she wasn't crying. But I would just sit up and wait and listen because I didn't want to finally fall back asleep and then be woken up again.

Mady girl was wake and ready for the day at 6:20. UGH. I stumbled to her room to get her and brought her back into bed with us. Nope. She wanted to go downstairs to watch "Gerge" (Curious George). Sweet hubby got up with her and I laid back down. AGAIN...could not fall back. Screw it. I headed downstairs.

Hubby took the girl to Dunkin to get us some yummy breakfast and an iced tea for me. Lord knows I needed it. He told me to relax while they were gone. Guess what I did? Yup, I cleaned the upstairs bathroom at 7:30 am. I figured, no one is home, it needs to get done, better just to do it now. So, now I have a clean bathroom. Don't you just love the smell of a clean bathroom? No, just me?

Anyhow, we just hung out, played with the little girl and chatted for a while. Then we headed to the mall where I got some summer clothes and walked around a little bit.

I knew we had to get home at a decent time so I could put lunch in the oven and eat before Matt had to leave for work. Nope, got home too late. Poor hubby was on the phone with stupid Verizon from the time we got home until the time he left. So, I ate lunch by myself while Mady chomped on an apple.

Mady took a short nap today and woke up feeling (and looking...sorry baby) pretty crappy. Her nose was running, she was congested, and kept sneezing and coughing. She wasn't too crabby so I was thankful.

I decided to head to Kohls to return a few things and figured we were just running in and out, I wasn't lugging that stupid stroller in there so I let her walk. Big.mistake. This girl threw herself down on the floor and cried hysterically because she didn't want to hold my hand and she wanted to go in the mall and walk around. So, I had to carry my screaming child out of Kohls. First time for everything.

Oh and by the way did I mention the two of us were quite a site. Mady had snot everywhere, M&M stains on her shirt, crazy bed head and I myself had comfy pants that are a size too big, crazy hair and a white shirt with a stain on it. Lovely right? I wish I would have taken a picture.

The rest of the night was pretty typical. Mady playing, the occasional whine because she wants to stand on the counter to find a snack, (Why in the world did I let her do that in the first place?! Girl is obessed with the counter now!) dinner and bath routine. She has been surprisingly pleasant at night time now. Usually it is her crabby hour. No complaints here.

SO yeah that was our exciting day. Boring, not the best, but not the worst day.

Is it Mother's Day weekend yet? I am missing my parents too much.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Heavy Heart

I have a heavy heart. I have had it all day yesterday. Just so many things swirling around.

A good friend of mine is dealing with infertility. She recently had another disappointment. It breaks my heart. She doesn't deserve it. She will be a great mom. It makes me mad and sad and hurt for her.

I don't know how she feels and I can't imagine what she is dealing with or going through. I wish I had some great words for her. She is so special to me and my daughter.

After thinking about all of this for much of the afternoon I came to the realization that I need to be thankful more, especially for Madelyn.I don't think I thank the Lord enough for allowing me to be Mady's mom. Of course there are days when I am just so done being a mom for the day. I want to punch out on my time clock and head to my room for some much needed alone time.

But, I am lucky and blessed to have her. Not everyone gets the opportunity to.

I don't think that has ever truly hit me before like it did today. It brought me to tears.

I am blessed to be the mom to my crazy, active, loud, lovable almost 18 month old.

She is a treasure. My treasure.

So, Thank you Lord for entrusting Madelyn to Matt and I for her earthly life. I am forever grateful.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Tom boy?

I think I might have a tom boy on my hands. Yes, my precious, sweet, lovely, Madelyn.

I don't know how I feel about this....

I have always been a girly girl. I am NOT an outside girl. I HATE to get dirty. I DON'T like playing sports (love watching them though). I am just not that girl.

Mady on the other hand. LOVE to be outside. LOVES to get dirty (I have slowly come to terms with this...slowly) and LOVES to kick the ball around or just run around in general. She is ROUGH.

Her favorite toys have been a car that her Uncle E gave her, a soccer ball, and anything that can be done outside.

I wish I could take her outside a fenced in yard! The girl just takes off running when she is outside. The park is a fun place but it is a holy meltdown every time we have to leave and sometimes I just don't feel like dealing with that.

Playing in the dirty water.

When I put her in dresses (which is rare) she, of course, looks adorable but it is not her. She is a jeans and tank top girl (much like her momma.)

It is just funny to be to see her personality come out more and more each day. I cannot believe she is going to be 18 months on May 2nd. I want life to slow down. I want to capture and remember all of these moments with her. Sometimes I find myself just going through the normal routine and getting bored of it. Then I remember that my first born isn't a baby anymore. She is a full grown toddler who loves to sit in a "big girl" chair at the table. Who eats like a big girl and sleeps like a big girl. She says "peas and hank you"

Doing her "paper work" while I made dinner last night in her "big girl" chair
She is just getting too big. Too grown up.

I fall more in love with this girl each day. Tom boy or not!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Mish Mash...its all I got.

I was about to write Mish Mash Monday on the header but then I realized that it is Tuesday. I tend to get mixed up with the days since Matt has off Sun/Mon. So Tuesday it is!

-I went shopping today.....BY MYSELF! I honestly can't remember when the last time that happened. I went to Kohls to get some summer clothes since this time last year I was about 20 lbs heavier. So, I actually looked around, TRIED STUFF ON, and looked some more. I got a couple cute things and plus I had an extra 30% off. WIN!

May 2011. Wow

Feb 2012. Mady took this picture. haha

-It was difficult to find current pictures of me. I am always behind the camera.

- We weren't able to go to my mom and dads this weekend because we had a crazy amount of rain along the northeast. I was super bummed but I didn't want to get stuck in some crazy traffic and have it take us forever to get there since we were only staying for pretty much 24 hrs. They are coming down for mother's day weekend and I am so excited. I wish it would hurry up and get here!

-We went to get family pictures done yesterday and some individual shots of Mady. I had a coupon for JCPenneys so we decided we would try it. Never again. The lady was so rude to us when we first walked in, and she did not take many good pictures. I was able to find a few that I liked so I can switch out the 12 month ones of Mady. I love pictures so much. I wish I had a really nice camera to take my own...someday.

-Matt and I have become community group leaders at our church. We started a community group for military members/couples. We are super excited about it and hope that we are able to connect with some families in the area!

-My hair has been so oily gross oily. I think it is time to switch shampoos and since we weren't able to go to NJ this weekend, my cut/highlight has been put on hold...sad day.

-I bought a massage today from LivingSocial. Ready...normally $75....I got it for $20! That is my mothers day present and I am so excited.

-I have decided that the days I don't have the car are going to be my organize/cleaning days. I think it is a good plan. Today is one of those days. We will see how much I get done.

-I don't think my Mady girl is feeling the best. She had been so cranky this morning so we put her down for a morning nap (usually she get goes down around 12) and Matt woke up for an hour later and she was still tired. She is sleeping now again. I think it is though darn teeth! She has 4 more to go. Poor girl.

OK time to get my clean on. (Or sit on the couch and catch up on my TV shows).

Happy Tuesday! =)

Saturday, April 21, 2012

A mother's influence

Yesterday as I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen/foyer floor, I couldn't help but think about the influence my mom has had on me. It brought me to tears to be honest.

My mom is such a beautiful person. She is very opposite of me (I am too much like my dad =). We fight, cry and usually make up within a few minutes.

But, she is my best friend.

If I can be half the mom that she is to me, to Madelyn, I would be happy.

I think about the little things that have influenced me such as the way I clean, the food I make, how I keep my home, and how I decorate. It is funny to think about. I make the same meals I grew up with. (She was and is a fabulous cook) I clean my house very much the same way I saw my mom cleaning our house growing up. Our house was always clean and there was always a fresh homemade meal on the table. We ate as a family almost every night. Something that is very important in my house today because of her influence. She was there for all of our sporting events, recitals, or watching me and my friend make up dance to some current pop song.

She let me cry, held me as I cried, and comforted me in a way that only a mother could. She was and is always there for me. I call her a million times a day and she never acts annoyed.

I hope I can be everything that she is to me, to my own daughter. I want Mady and I to have the relationship my mom and I have. I want her to call me a million times a day whether she has a question, to vent, or just to talk about our days.

Moving away from my mom has been one of the hardest things. I miss her everyday. I miss her hugs and seeing her play with Mady. But, it is always her words. Her words and encouragement are what get me through some of my roughest days.

I am thankful for a mother who influenced me in the best ways. She taught me how to be a great mom (at least I attempt to be). She has taught me what genuine love is for your children. 

So thank you Mom. From the bottom of  my heart. I love you forever.